Justus...

I'm sorry I haven't had the time or energy to keep up on my blog lately. Please pray for our family, especially Justus. I don't have the emotional energy to update right now, but here is the link to Justus' website. Thank you so much for your prayers.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/justus

Happy Birthday Little Man!

Happy birthday buddy! It's hard to believe it's only been a year, it seems like you've been in our lives forever. We are so blessed to have you as a part of our family and God has taught us so much through you. We pray every day that God will make you a mighty man who loves Him with all your heart.

A Day In The Life of Gideon...

"My Bones Must Be Pretty Strong"

That was Gabe's response to my question "What did you do to your brother??" (And yes, that is blood all over Gideon's smiling face! )

Once Upon A Brother

Once upon a time, there was an adorable little boy sitting on the floor reading his story like the cutie pie that he is.

Next thing you know, his brothers Justus and Gabe appeared on the scene (that always means trouble if you're trying to read a book).
Justus surprised Gideon by "dropping" in to say hello while Gabe ate the rest of the pretzels from two weeks ago that he found under the couch.
Poor Gideon decided to make the best of things and continued to read the book with his brother on his lap.

The End.

Why Do The Clouds Blow?

Gabe: "Why doesn't God have a body?" Me: "Um...because He's a spirit...." Gabe: "Can God hear me when I pray?" Me: "Of course He can!" Gabe: "How can He hear me if He doesn't have ears?" Me: "He doesn't need ears, because He's God." Gabe: "Can He see in the dark?" Me: "Yes" Gabe: "I can see in the dark too, I have a flashlight!" Gabe: "Why do the clouds move?" Me: "Because the wind is blowing them." Gabe: "So God can see us from heaven?" Me: "No, God can see through the clouds." Gabe: "Why does the wind blow them?" Me: We'll have to ask daddy when he gets home." Gabe: "I think 'cause they're following us to Grandmie's house."
Gabe, I love you!

Real Food and Other Encouragements

Praise the Lord, Justus has started to eat real food without gagging! That is such an answer to prayer. We go again tomorrow for chemo and we'll find out then if he has started gaining weight yet. Please pray for that. The next wonderful thing on my list is crawling!!! Wow, I'm so grateful that he is crawling around again and playing on his own. It was VERY difficult to get much of anything done with him stuck to my hip and I was getting a little overwhelmed, but now he's crawling again! :) I'm so happy!
And last but not least, Justus also had his first trip to the zoo! It was so much fun to get out and see all the animals, the boys had a blast! We spend almost the entire day there and Justus was all smiles. I'm so thankful to God for all of these blessings. We have had many "good" days lately and they are a HUGE encouragement. Blessings are overflowing!

We Definitely Have Oxen

Ben often reminds me of Proverbs 14:4 "Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox." So, yes, today my house is a mess. Their new favorite thing is making a boat out of the couch...and yes, something spilled on the cushion, but I'm pretty sure it'll come out. :)Gabe is a jaguar and Gideon, a puppy. They're on a "boat" surrounded by sharks who are ready to eat any poor soul who happens to be in the "water"!There's plenty of room for a jaguar and a puppy, but when the Lion-Piggy joins in things get a little tight! (He requested to be a lion, but the boys wanted a pig - poor Ben!) ;)
After a very long adventure on the high seas, my jaguar and puppy were all worn out. My house looked like a tornado had blown through, but it was worth it. One day the "oxen" (aka: puppy and jaguar) will be gone, the house will be clean and I'll wish for some animals to come mess it up!

Whate'er My God Ordains is Right

Whate'er my God ordains is right: Holy his will abideth; I will be still whate'er he doth; And follow where he guideth: He is my God: though dark my road,He holds me that I shall not fall: Wherefore to him I leave it all.

Whate'er my God ordains is right: He never will deceive me; He leads me by the proper path; I know he will not leave me: I take, content, what he hath sent; His hand can turn my griefs away, And patiently I wait his day.

Whate'er my God ordains is right: Though now this cup, in drinking, May bitter seem to my faint heart, I take it, all unshrinking: My God is true; each morn anew Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart, And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate'er my God ordains is right: Here shall my stand be taken; Though sorrow, need, or death be mine, Yet am I not forsaken; My Father's care is round me there; He holds me that I shall not fall: And so to him I leave it all.

Written by: Samuel Rodigast, 1676. Music: Severus Gastorius, 1675

Last night on the way home from church Gabe and Gideon were discussing our imaginary pets. Apparently we have a mouse, a cat and two dogs. Gabe was asking what we should name them and we were all throwing out names -including some names Ben and I had been debating for future children, Lord willing:). Gabe told me that I could name the mouse but I said I'd rather name a dog because I don't really like mice. "We don't have any mice, Mommy, do you like mouses?" Ummm... :)

Kindness...

Today was a hard day. Justus' rash is coming back and he seems to be regressing a bit. He also had his chemo treatment this morning and we ended up staying most of the day because he also had to have a transfusion. I was feeling pretty drained and sad, but when I got home I had a package from my cousin, Myssi. It was exactly what I needed. Inside was a beautiful bracelet she made with Gabe, Gideon, and Justus' names on it, a letter and the testimony her mom wrote about a similar trial she went through when her girls were little...what a HUGE encouragement it was! God knew just what I needed at that moment. Every breath Justus takes is sustained by God and He could easily heal him this instant, but I know He knows what's best, even though I might not see it yet...

Go To The Aunt??

We're trying to teach the boys scripture as we go through our day. One of the Proverbs that I like to mention while we're "working" is Proverbs 6:6 : "Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise". We talk about being a hard worker and not lazy like a "slug". I thought we were all on the same page...until today. As we're working together to wipe the extremely sticky Butt Paste (yes, that's actually the name) off the carpet that Gabe and Gideon had so dilligently smeared in, Gabe mentioned that he was working very hard like an ant. I told him that makes me very proud and I told him I'd tell Daddy when he got home. He grins "Tell him I'm a good worker like Aunt Britt!" :)

Blessings...

I am so thankful to my Savior for all the wonderful blessings He bestowed on us. I have found it helps lift my spirit to count my blessings which are, as always, abundant and overflowing. Some of our blessings numerous:

• Gabe and Gideon are healthy and happy


• Justus is keeping down his food


• Ben has a good job


• Justus' rash is fading


• His platelette count is good


• We live near great hospitals


• We have such wonderful family and friends


• I have been saved by the grace of God


• It was not Gabe or Gideon (that would have been a logistical nightmare trying to nurse and take care of Justus without him being able to come to the hospital)


• We have health insurance


• We are so blessed to have our church!

This is obviously not an exhaustive list, but I truly am blessed and so thankful for God's mercy...so much more than I deserve.

Please Pray

Please pray that Justus will do well with the chemo and won't need more blood transfusions. Also that he will feel better (now he is very sad and fussy and rarely smiles), that he will not get sick (his immune system is being taxed by the chemo and lack of nutrition) as that means we're back in the hospital. Please continue to pray for me...I am so weak. I struggle with doubts and fears and worry. I know God is in control and that is a HUGE comfort, but it is so hard to hold my little sick baby in my arms and think he may die from this. I have tears pouring down my face as I write that because I don't even want to type it. I covet your prayers. It's harder than I could have imagined. I can't describe how sick he seems right now, I can't help but sob. He looked so much healthier in the hospital because he was swollen, now he seems to be wasting away he's so tiny and frail. I want to be strong, but I am not. I hope in my Savior who gave me this precious little boy and pray that He will give me the grace to get through each day no matter what. "Thank you Lord for the wonderful days You have given us with Justus, please give us more, but if not, please, please the faith I need." I really want to see that beautiful smile again.

A Hard Providence

As many of you know...Justus is actually a lot sicker than we thought last time I posted. He was diagnosed with a very rare disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis or LCH. I want to cry just writing that looking at that picture of him. I have to remind myself daily -hourly- of something Ben encouraged me with when we first got this shock. That God is no less in sustaining Justus now than He was a few months ago. It was a shock like I've never experienced. We are now out of the hospital after almost six weeks and I have to say that the numbness is just starting to wear off. Living in the hospital is such a strange existence, on one hand I'm eternally grateful for all the wonderful nurses and doctors that diagnosed and treated my baby, but on the other I'm frustrated because of the lack of sleep or privacy and my mind is numb from staring at the same walls for weeks.
I am so thankful that Justus does seem to be responding to treatment. God has been kind to us. I am also overwhelmed by the kindness of our family and friends. Rachel, your fruit salad and letter made my day and meant the world to me. Everyone's generosity has been overflowing on us and I can't thank all of you enough.

God Is Faithful

Our little Justus was quite a sick little boy for a few days. It was a very scary time for me, but now as I look back on it I am amazed at all the blessings God sent our way. Saturday Justus woke up with a fever and later in the day developed a croupy cough. Sunday I stayed home from church with him as he still had the fever and cough. Monday I brought him in to his doctor and he was diagnosed with croup. Monday afternoon Gabe and Gideon came down with fevers. Monday night I came down with the fever (which came with such niceties as chills, body aches, sore throat, basically feeling like death), oh, and did I mention Monday was also Ben's first day at his new job? So (as we found out later) we had the type A influenza. Taking care of sick babies is one thing, taking care of them while feeling like death is quite another! :) Anyway, we had the bug until Thursday when Gabe, Gideon and I started feeling better. Justus, though, was getting worse. I took him in to his doctor again and she sent us to the ER. This was not exactly how I had envisioned spending Valentine's evening. They were very kind in the ER to take us back right away, but we had all gone and once we realized that we were going to be there for a while Ben decided it would be wise for him to take the other two boys and go home. Thankfully my mom was sweet enough to come stay with me even though it was not only Valentine's day, but also her birthday! They ran tests, did blood work, took xrays and poked and prodded my poor baby until 2:30 AM and then sent us home with the diagnosis of pneumonia and a weird rash they kept calling petikia. The next day he was worse and his "rash" had spread so we again brought him in to his pediatrician. She sent us to Sinai hospital's ER and there he was admitted.
No one was really giving us any answers, we heard things like: "blood platelet count", "patikia", "infectious disease", "meningitis", "cancer", none of which meant much to me except to make me plead to God to give me faith no matter what. But God in His infinite kindness and mercy to His frail child strengthened me. I am so grateful for all the prayers of our families, church and friends, it meant so much to know that people were praying.

Ben was such a support and rock during a time when I felt like I could fall apart any second. He even stayed overnight with Justus one night so I could go get some sleep as I was still not fully recovered from the flu. That was a HUGE blessing! What a wonderful husband, especially since I'm still nursing and we weren't sure if Justus would take a bottle that I had pumped earlier that day. There was definitely the potential for a very rough night as he had NEVER taken a bottle before. Thankfully he was fine and I felt so much better after a full night's sleep and a shower.
He was finally diagnosed with a rare blood disease called HSP or Anaphylactoid Purpura. It apparently can be brought on by a virus such as the flu (which he tested positive for in the ER). He was released around 10PM Sunday and is expected to make a full recovery. Now, on to our many other blessings...

Because it was Ben's first week at his new job, we had health insurance!

Ben's sweet parents were kind enough to watch our other two boys while we were in the hospital.

Justus has become such a snuggle bug since his hospital stay...he was always such a wiggle he never really snuggled before...I LOVE it! :)

We had such an outpouring of love by our friends in ways like meals, notes, phone calls, prayers, stopping by the hospital to see us, etc...

I end this VERY long post with this, I am overwhelmed by God's kindness, I don't deserve all of these blessings. "Thank you Father, for your mercy to me and my family. Thank you for giving me another day with my children. Thank you for a wonderful husband and family. Thank you." This expeirence has also given me a new apreciation for those with really sick children. What a new respect I have for my cousin Jennie. She has a daughter who had cancer as a little toddler and went through months and months not only away from home, but in a hospital in another state! I can't imagine how one could get through something like that without trusting our Savior. God is faithful. He will not let us be overwhelmed. Jennie is such a strong, Godly woman. I pray God will give me the strength to bear whatever He has in store with the grace that she has. "Lord, give me faith"