Last night on the way home from church Gabe and Gideon were discussing our imaginary pets. Apparently we have a mouse, a cat and two dogs. Gabe was asking what we should name them and we were all throwing out names -including some names Ben and I had been debating for future children, Lord willing:). Gabe told me that I could name the mouse but I said I'd rather name a dog because I don't really like mice. "We don't have any mice, Mommy, do you like mouses?" Ummm... :)

Kindness...

Today was a hard day. Justus' rash is coming back and he seems to be regressing a bit. He also had his chemo treatment this morning and we ended up staying most of the day because he also had to have a transfusion. I was feeling pretty drained and sad, but when I got home I had a package from my cousin, Myssi. It was exactly what I needed. Inside was a beautiful bracelet she made with Gabe, Gideon, and Justus' names on it, a letter and the testimony her mom wrote about a similar trial she went through when her girls were little...what a HUGE encouragement it was! God knew just what I needed at that moment. Every breath Justus takes is sustained by God and He could easily heal him this instant, but I know He knows what's best, even though I might not see it yet...

Go To The Aunt??

We're trying to teach the boys scripture as we go through our day. One of the Proverbs that I like to mention while we're "working" is Proverbs 6:6 : "Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise". We talk about being a hard worker and not lazy like a "slug". I thought we were all on the same page...until today. As we're working together to wipe the extremely sticky Butt Paste (yes, that's actually the name) off the carpet that Gabe and Gideon had so dilligently smeared in, Gabe mentioned that he was working very hard like an ant. I told him that makes me very proud and I told him I'd tell Daddy when he got home. He grins "Tell him I'm a good worker like Aunt Britt!" :)

Blessings...

I am so thankful to my Savior for all the wonderful blessings He bestowed on us. I have found it helps lift my spirit to count my blessings which are, as always, abundant and overflowing. Some of our blessings numerous:

• Gabe and Gideon are healthy and happy


• Justus is keeping down his food


• Ben has a good job


• Justus' rash is fading


• His platelette count is good


• We live near great hospitals


• We have such wonderful family and friends


• I have been saved by the grace of God


• It was not Gabe or Gideon (that would have been a logistical nightmare trying to nurse and take care of Justus without him being able to come to the hospital)


• We have health insurance


• We are so blessed to have our church!

This is obviously not an exhaustive list, but I truly am blessed and so thankful for God's mercy...so much more than I deserve.

Please Pray

Please pray that Justus will do well with the chemo and won't need more blood transfusions. Also that he will feel better (now he is very sad and fussy and rarely smiles), that he will not get sick (his immune system is being taxed by the chemo and lack of nutrition) as that means we're back in the hospital. Please continue to pray for me...I am so weak. I struggle with doubts and fears and worry. I know God is in control and that is a HUGE comfort, but it is so hard to hold my little sick baby in my arms and think he may die from this. I have tears pouring down my face as I write that because I don't even want to type it. I covet your prayers. It's harder than I could have imagined. I can't describe how sick he seems right now, I can't help but sob. He looked so much healthier in the hospital because he was swollen, now he seems to be wasting away he's so tiny and frail. I want to be strong, but I am not. I hope in my Savior who gave me this precious little boy and pray that He will give me the grace to get through each day no matter what. "Thank you Lord for the wonderful days You have given us with Justus, please give us more, but if not, please, please the faith I need." I really want to see that beautiful smile again.

A Hard Providence

As many of you know...Justus is actually a lot sicker than we thought last time I posted. He was diagnosed with a very rare disease called Langerhans Cell Histiocytosis or LCH. I want to cry just writing that looking at that picture of him. I have to remind myself daily -hourly- of something Ben encouraged me with when we first got this shock. That God is no less in sustaining Justus now than He was a few months ago. It was a shock like I've never experienced. We are now out of the hospital after almost six weeks and I have to say that the numbness is just starting to wear off. Living in the hospital is such a strange existence, on one hand I'm eternally grateful for all the wonderful nurses and doctors that diagnosed and treated my baby, but on the other I'm frustrated because of the lack of sleep or privacy and my mind is numb from staring at the same walls for weeks.
I am so thankful that Justus does seem to be responding to treatment. God has been kind to us. I am also overwhelmed by the kindness of our family and friends. Rachel, your fruit salad and letter made my day and meant the world to me. Everyone's generosity has been overflowing on us and I can't thank all of you enough.

God Is Faithful

Our little Justus was quite a sick little boy for a few days. It was a very scary time for me, but now as I look back on it I am amazed at all the blessings God sent our way. Saturday Justus woke up with a fever and later in the day developed a croupy cough. Sunday I stayed home from church with him as he still had the fever and cough. Monday I brought him in to his doctor and he was diagnosed with croup. Monday afternoon Gabe and Gideon came down with fevers. Monday night I came down with the fever (which came with such niceties as chills, body aches, sore throat, basically feeling like death), oh, and did I mention Monday was also Ben's first day at his new job? So (as we found out later) we had the type A influenza. Taking care of sick babies is one thing, taking care of them while feeling like death is quite another! :) Anyway, we had the bug until Thursday when Gabe, Gideon and I started feeling better. Justus, though, was getting worse. I took him in to his doctor again and she sent us to the ER. This was not exactly how I had envisioned spending Valentine's evening. They were very kind in the ER to take us back right away, but we had all gone and once we realized that we were going to be there for a while Ben decided it would be wise for him to take the other two boys and go home. Thankfully my mom was sweet enough to come stay with me even though it was not only Valentine's day, but also her birthday! They ran tests, did blood work, took xrays and poked and prodded my poor baby until 2:30 AM and then sent us home with the diagnosis of pneumonia and a weird rash they kept calling petikia. The next day he was worse and his "rash" had spread so we again brought him in to his pediatrician. She sent us to Sinai hospital's ER and there he was admitted.
No one was really giving us any answers, we heard things like: "blood platelet count", "patikia", "infectious disease", "meningitis", "cancer", none of which meant much to me except to make me plead to God to give me faith no matter what. But God in His infinite kindness and mercy to His frail child strengthened me. I am so grateful for all the prayers of our families, church and friends, it meant so much to know that people were praying.

Ben was such a support and rock during a time when I felt like I could fall apart any second. He even stayed overnight with Justus one night so I could go get some sleep as I was still not fully recovered from the flu. That was a HUGE blessing! What a wonderful husband, especially since I'm still nursing and we weren't sure if Justus would take a bottle that I had pumped earlier that day. There was definitely the potential for a very rough night as he had NEVER taken a bottle before. Thankfully he was fine and I felt so much better after a full night's sleep and a shower.
He was finally diagnosed with a rare blood disease called HSP or Anaphylactoid Purpura. It apparently can be brought on by a virus such as the flu (which he tested positive for in the ER). He was released around 10PM Sunday and is expected to make a full recovery. Now, on to our many other blessings...

Because it was Ben's first week at his new job, we had health insurance!

Ben's sweet parents were kind enough to watch our other two boys while we were in the hospital.

Justus has become such a snuggle bug since his hospital stay...he was always such a wiggle he never really snuggled before...I LOVE it! :)

We had such an outpouring of love by our friends in ways like meals, notes, phone calls, prayers, stopping by the hospital to see us, etc...

I end this VERY long post with this, I am overwhelmed by God's kindness, I don't deserve all of these blessings. "Thank you Father, for your mercy to me and my family. Thank you for giving me another day with my children. Thank you for a wonderful husband and family. Thank you." This expeirence has also given me a new apreciation for those with really sick children. What a new respect I have for my cousin Jennie. She has a daughter who had cancer as a little toddler and went through months and months not only away from home, but in a hospital in another state! I can't imagine how one could get through something like that without trusting our Savior. God is faithful. He will not let us be overwhelmed. Jennie is such a strong, Godly woman. I pray God will give me the strength to bear whatever He has in store with the grace that she has. "Lord, give me faith"

We Match

I love my boys to match and realize I have to do it as much as possible before they get old enough to think it's ridiculous. They have noticed it though and at this point they're still convinced it's a wonderful thing. A few days ago Ben was putting on his tennis shoes when Gabe proudly announced "Daddy, we match!" I looked at the NB on both their shoes and smiled at my extremely astute son. "Look" he said triuphantly, "we both have mud on our shoes".

Money for Jesus

This little man is almost two and has more energy than the energizer bunny! He is pretty much always happy and LOVES his brothers (Justus a little too much sometimes). He and Gabe have been playing together so nicely recently and I am loving it! Well, we have been letting the boys take money out of their bank for offering at church lately. They love to do this (I try to remember, but sometimes forget). Consequently, whenever Gideon sees money he shouts excitely: "Money for Jesus!" So, we were in line at the store the other day when he notice the man behind us was paying with cash and had his change purse out. "Money for Jesus!" Gideon yells happily at the top of his lungs. "Uh, no." said the man. Gideon looks at him confused "Money for Jesus?" The man looked sheepishly at him "No..." "I'm sorry" I say, "he likes to give money to Jesus". "I see." the man murmered. The poor man eventually had to put his money away because everytime Gideon saw it he would give him a huge smile and say cheerfully "Money for Jesus!" What a cheerful giver (even if it's not always his own money)! :)

My Hope

I am blessed. Blessed with one absolutely wonderful husband who I adore and three precious and very active sons. God has given me so many blessings in my life I am often overwhelmed (not in the same way the three very active sons sometimes make me feel). Thank you, Father, for the good gifts you have given. I need to remind myself often to hold to these gifts loosely and to cling to Christ. It is too easy for me to put my hope in these earthly riches of my family. I must not hope in them, I will always be disappointed. Christ is my hope and Him alone.

"O LORD, my heart is not lifted up, my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a child quieted at its mother's breast; like a child that is quieted is my soul. O Israel, hope in the LORD this time forth and for evermore." Psalm 131:1-3